Entry #5 - The Man Of My Dreams

"The poorest man of all men is not a man without a cent but a man without a dream."


This is exactly what my love struggles are all about.

Like any ordinary girl, I have dreams and ambitions. Since I was a kid I dreamt of marrying an American man. I am very much attracted to their physical appearance and the thought that mixed race babies are appealing to me. I have always promised myself to marry one someday.

During my third and fourth years in high school, I started seeing tons of US Navies and Marines in our city. I was too young and naive at the time that I even cut classes just to see them. Most of these men were at the Balikatan Exercises in Luzon, training Filipino soldiers with equipped weapons during former President Estrada's term. My friends and I went there to see them. We made friends with a few and it was indeed a great experience to have at least known some foreign men in them. As determined as I was to make it possible for me to communicate with the man in my dreams, I learned the internet.I started exchanging e-mails when I was 17, met a few in person. At age 18, I had my first American boyfriend from Arkansas. I was extremely happy then because he was my type. Boy, he was very attractive with his blond hair and blue eyes. He went to visit me in my hometown and finally met him in person. It didn’t work for us though because we broke up after 5 months. I was devastated. He broke up with me for no apparent reason at all. I tried reaching him on the phone several times at first but all I got was his answering machine. Later on he spoke to me but in a cold manner. I couldn’t believe what he did to me. It took a while for me to recover from that heart ache. I had moved on anyway.

Months later I met another guy online who was from California. He had the same physical attributes as the latter guy. On my, I can’t believe I easily fall for the same looks. For the second time around, I got all disappointed again as they guy came to meet two other ladies besides me. I thought for sure we have been serious to each other. I had been expecting too much all along. Not only that I saw other two girls but he had been window shopping for more. That was a shame. I was all embarrassed I couldn’t stand it I had to run out of the airport where I went to fetch him. He was sorry and begged for me to marry him. I didn’t get fooled by his drama and ended everything between us.

I didn’t give up and moved on to another hope of meeting someone I deserve. I met another one who was from Florida. He was all busy with his business so did with his child in his previous marriage. He had the chance to tour Europe and never to see me. It was all over for us quickly.

I’ve been hurt a few times and along the way it made me even pickier. I had almost found anything wrong in a person just to make sure I will end up with someone truthful to me. In just a little mistake such as misspelling of certain words put me off so easily from the guy.

It was in the middle of Feb.2004 on CB, I was checking my account to see who sent me a message. There were few mails and Sandy was one of them who wrote me. He first said hi along with all other information about him. I looked at this pictures posted and oh, he is so cute. And so I got back to his mail and replied with just very short note telling that he is cute and that I want to get to know more about him. That’s all it. The following day, he sent his quick reply again but I just ignored it, never took the time to reply him back because I was not interested with him.


Meantime, I myself was busy chatting and e-mailing with others except him. I was still trying hard to look for a possible mate who can bring me to the aisle. There came a time, it was 2 weeks after he sent me his first mail actually when I checked my mails and it was empty. I returned to his dormant mail which I never tried to response and read it again. I did reply to it and gave my Yahoo ID so we get to chat. Yes, for the first time we chatted. I could tell the way he hurl his words to me that he is the gentleman type, soft spoken and polite. But still I'm not interested with him because I thought "he’s too good-looking for me” and enough for cute men, they only play with your heart.

I asked him money with the intention of pushing him away and never wanting to chat with me again because I know for a fact once you ask money from foreigners they will never get back to you and get turned off for they might think that you're only up to it. This man is different. He never got discouraged instead he sent me $100 the following day. I really was surprised once informed by the money transfer office that I got something from him. So I got the money and thanked him with a promise to myself that I will only focus on him.

After four months of exchanging e-mail, chats and phone calls he decided to see me. It was in time for my 21st birthday when he proposed to me telling my father, "Elson, I came across thousand miles to marry Anne because I'm in love with her”. Even before he turned tome and declared his intention, I got teary-eyed already.

The moment, he knelt down holding the engagement ring while the other hand holding my hand asking, "Anne, will you marry me?" I got speechless. Where did my voice go? Could it be that my tongue shrunk? Now crying even more and finally I was able to respond, “Yes, I will marry you Sandy" We got formally engaged on my birthday and for me it was already a big dream come true.

Another 4 months had passed and he visited me for the second time for our big day --- the wedding. It was I who exerted much effort to make our wedding beautiful and memorable to all who witness and thank goodness, it went well.

Finally, I got my visa to come and be united with him in the states after a painstaking 9 months of waiting for the whole process to be done. Now I am so much happier. After all those thunderstorms in my life, I was able to overcome it all and thank God for the strength he had given me. Thanks to Him for he was always being there for me!
P.S WE ARE NOW BLESSED WITH ONE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER NAMED Jadyn.

Life's lesson I've learnt is that, it only takes courage and determination to achieve the hardest goal you've ever thought you have in your life. I remember my family and friends told me "I am too ambitious to dream of marrying an American”. I had this saying before, By hook or by crook, whatever happens I will marry the man in my dreams”. I could say that I am stronger now. I am proud of my past. If not because of it, I would not be here right now living happily with my wonderful husband. I hope this will serve as inspiration to those who lost hope finding their love.